Sharings

I really don't know where to start. I feel like i'm recounting a life story! (WAH SIAN!) but please. try to read to the end! BTW i don't blog so i don't know how to change my name from owl, but i'm TimChan.

I guess i really have to thank Samuel for persuading me to come to bible sharing. i mean its been a very very long while and i was feeling so lazy. Such an awesome prayer buddy! :P I still have ALOT of people to thank, but I will leave them till the end.

I have to thank Candice, Gerard, Terence, Pearlyn and Ch'ng for the amazing retreat. I know this retreat wasn't like the others, i definitely did not come out spiritually high, but i came out of those 2 days much more different. i emerged with a more reflective mood and just realized so much about myself that i didn't know or just forgot underneath all the facades that i wear/carry (i don't know the right word) I emerged more certain of where is it I see GOD. But I still feared losing all this.

I realized as much as i do see GOD in people, like Swee, Jordan, Gerard, etc. I do see him too in empty space, peaceful and quiet in my heart. But, I fail to see him in OWL's sharings, agm, etc. Until tonight, you know how everybody says GOD has a plan? I think tonight i really believe that truly. Sharing started off quite off, as in, people were talking joking even as Gerard read the gospel and began reflecting. But some how as everybody shared, i realized that this sharing was GOD speaking through us, this sharing where everybody lets out their feelings towards community was much better than agm or the retreat, and its these sharings we should have all the time. I belive that GOD called every OWL member to today by name, and i'm only sad so many could not come.

So today's sharing was supposed to be about closing the year by looking at the blessings that GOD has showered upon everyone of us. I actually came up with a list. But it was too short, should have been longer. The list is as follow :
- OWL
- friends
- my overseas trips in my entires life
- family
- friends
I know i repeated friends. In my mind, friends are the greatest blessing i have.

BUT, today's sharing ended up about community, like continued session from agm. I guess the gospel did strike me in this. "And Mary kept all these things, reflecting on them in her heart." This strikes me as I realize how much I keep doing that. As in, i have a lot of stuff I normally wish to say. but i think i'm afraid. i'm afraid of being judge some how. and that i sometimes think people won't understand me.

And today, i said things which i guess came out wrongly. i know i sounded quite despondent at OWL's current state. but no. i'm not. I LOVE OWL & EVERYONE IN IT! Which is why i still come back every week even though my parents have asked me before to just go IHM as it is much easier. (my whole family goes there. NO it is not IMH) I belive OWL is not cui, as in it is not perfect, but it is definitely not cui. I just find that sometimes we do things all at the wrong time. i mean yes, it is great to have fun, but not when its time to be reflective. And i agree with JP here, there is a time and a place for everything. (this was said during the sharing earlier, for those who didn't go)

When Vic shared about community and how the community is all willing to be there for one another, but is not willing to be vulnerable to one another, it just kinda resonated so truly in me. For this, i gotta thank Corinne and Ch'ng. Their spiritual prep about reconcilling with community members, i actually realized how much I just hide a huge part of myself from OWL, from the closest people in my life. But yet i was so willing to be there to listen to their problems. I thought then that i wasn't being a good person, not being fair to them. (for a lack of a better word) But Swee helped me to realize that in the end, the person i hurt most would be myself.

So i guess that was the main sharing, now for the credits:
- I have to first and foremost thank Jerome Ong, Bryan Seah, Pearlyn, Sherman, Terence, Ch'ng, Gerard, Samuel, Ivan, JP, Iris, Candice, Vic and Jordan for coming yesterday for sharing and affirm you guys for really sharing how you all feel, i know there might be some differences in opinions in some of the sharings, but i feel that the way everything was handled is how we as a community should handle. and this sharing is really what i hope the entire OWL can achieve.
- Next, I have thank Amanda Swee Ping En, the effort she put into outreaching to every single member of OWL and also in bravely sharing her opinions which really made an impact in everybody. I would like to ask everybody to pray for her too, i think she is quite stressed.
- I also have to thank Jordan Steve. When the Core was busy with 'A's, it was amazing to see how he just takes on all the roles he can help and does a lot of work which is truly amazing. And also how he just becomes an amazing support to people in OWL. Pray for him while he is in a spiritually dry period and may he find GOD
- I thank Sherman Lim for being there throughout the whole period of OWL's need. Going to Bible Sharings every week (and if you are reading this sherman, i ask you not to constantly store feelings and emotions up in you. share them with others.) and constantly just taking whatever nonsense we throw at him, (like smacking his butt, or using his facebook to comment statuses which are not true) which we really should not actually.
- I thank Candice, Ronald, Samuel, Ivan, Gerard, Ch'ng, Joshua Teo for playing for spiritual preps in the retreat.

I have many more things i want to thank many more people, but i really am writing too long a post. so i bid you farewell and just ONE last thing. This year was a challenging one for OWL, but i belive it's through these challenges that we can grow as ONE WITH THE LORD and to achieve all our vision for OWL. I hope that we may make use of this challenging year to learn and to grow stronger.

PRAISE GOD!

My Reflections of the Year - Jordan

I guess upon reflecting on this year, i realised that i should have done soooooo much more than what i actually did. and i feel quite disturbed by it i guess cause i should have outreached to others, but then i didn't, so then i am kinda responsible for their lose in faith?

i realised how a neglected those who didn't bother to come for session and sharing, which i guess should be a part of being a community, to support them in their time of need, but i didn't so i wasn't community to others

i mean i did grow in my own faith journey, but i guess i didn't put in much effort and emphasis in the community aspect of my life.

Also, i think what really struck me was shared during the OWL recollection and AGM. Swee said that we should include God and remember Him in everything, even the smallest of happenings. I mean i guess i was facing a spiritual crisis recently, i was very very dry and just could not see or feel God, but deep down inside i knew He loves me, but I honestly could not feel this love. That is probably why i wanted sessions based on love. I guess all in all, as in one of Fr Bosco's homilies: Love is not just a emotion, but it is an action.

I guess I was really upset that I was losing my faith. And then i think the reason i stopped seeing God was because I stopped making the effort to seek God in everything, Also, my life had become a routine. Even going for mass was affected.

I think i went for mass and DO many times, but i stopped seeing the meaning in it. I know it is to praise and worship God, but it didn't feel like i was praising God, more like i was there because it was routine.

Also, i think i could have taken more effort to journey with my cell group and my prayer buddy. I guess i left out these two important parts of community and i think i really neglected this areas. I really want to say sorry to all who i have neglected.

Well, this is a new beginning and I guess this would be my resolution for the new year.

Firstly, I think that i need to put in more effort in improving my relationships in Owl, starting with my Prayer buddy and then growing outwards to my cell and then the entire community. Wait, change that, I WILL put in more effort!

I know spending more time journeying with Matthew, my p.b. will be extremely difficult, supposing he gets posted earlier into NS and i end up in boarding school(hostel), which may be compulsory. But i really think that i really need to make more time and build this relationship with Matthew.

And for my cell group, i guess I should try my utmost best to make time and initiate activities and gatherings! I really want to affirm Swee for making the effort to talk to everyone and initiate many things!! I really appreciated the effort she put in and it inspires me!

Secondly, when things within Owl are stabilised and we are all strong in the faith, i would like to outreach to those (who were) in Owl or even those in the Parish who might feel left out because of awkwardness or fear. I think it is part of what i envisioned Owl to be, whereby everyone feels that we are part of this ONE community so as to be ONE WITH THE LORD!

Lastly, and i believe, most importantly, I need God is in everything that I do. I will make sure that in everything, I will include God and remember that we are NOW AND ALWAYS in HIS MOST HOLY PRESENCE!

God Bless

-Jordan