Sharings

I really don't know where to start. I feel like i'm recounting a life story! (WAH SIAN!) but please. try to read to the end! BTW i don't blog so i don't know how to change my name from owl, but i'm TimChan.

I guess i really have to thank Samuel for persuading me to come to bible sharing. i mean its been a very very long while and i was feeling so lazy. Such an awesome prayer buddy! :P I still have ALOT of people to thank, but I will leave them till the end.

I have to thank Candice, Gerard, Terence, Pearlyn and Ch'ng for the amazing retreat. I know this retreat wasn't like the others, i definitely did not come out spiritually high, but i came out of those 2 days much more different. i emerged with a more reflective mood and just realized so much about myself that i didn't know or just forgot underneath all the facades that i wear/carry (i don't know the right word) I emerged more certain of where is it I see GOD. But I still feared losing all this.

I realized as much as i do see GOD in people, like Swee, Jordan, Gerard, etc. I do see him too in empty space, peaceful and quiet in my heart. But, I fail to see him in OWL's sharings, agm, etc. Until tonight, you know how everybody says GOD has a plan? I think tonight i really believe that truly. Sharing started off quite off, as in, people were talking joking even as Gerard read the gospel and began reflecting. But some how as everybody shared, i realized that this sharing was GOD speaking through us, this sharing where everybody lets out their feelings towards community was much better than agm or the retreat, and its these sharings we should have all the time. I belive that GOD called every OWL member to today by name, and i'm only sad so many could not come.

So today's sharing was supposed to be about closing the year by looking at the blessings that GOD has showered upon everyone of us. I actually came up with a list. But it was too short, should have been longer. The list is as follow :
- OWL
- friends
- my overseas trips in my entires life
- family
- friends
I know i repeated friends. In my mind, friends are the greatest blessing i have.

BUT, today's sharing ended up about community, like continued session from agm. I guess the gospel did strike me in this. "And Mary kept all these things, reflecting on them in her heart." This strikes me as I realize how much I keep doing that. As in, i have a lot of stuff I normally wish to say. but i think i'm afraid. i'm afraid of being judge some how. and that i sometimes think people won't understand me.

And today, i said things which i guess came out wrongly. i know i sounded quite despondent at OWL's current state. but no. i'm not. I LOVE OWL & EVERYONE IN IT! Which is why i still come back every week even though my parents have asked me before to just go IHM as it is much easier. (my whole family goes there. NO it is not IMH) I belive OWL is not cui, as in it is not perfect, but it is definitely not cui. I just find that sometimes we do things all at the wrong time. i mean yes, it is great to have fun, but not when its time to be reflective. And i agree with JP here, there is a time and a place for everything. (this was said during the sharing earlier, for those who didn't go)

When Vic shared about community and how the community is all willing to be there for one another, but is not willing to be vulnerable to one another, it just kinda resonated so truly in me. For this, i gotta thank Corinne and Ch'ng. Their spiritual prep about reconcilling with community members, i actually realized how much I just hide a huge part of myself from OWL, from the closest people in my life. But yet i was so willing to be there to listen to their problems. I thought then that i wasn't being a good person, not being fair to them. (for a lack of a better word) But Swee helped me to realize that in the end, the person i hurt most would be myself.

So i guess that was the main sharing, now for the credits:
- I have to first and foremost thank Jerome Ong, Bryan Seah, Pearlyn, Sherman, Terence, Ch'ng, Gerard, Samuel, Ivan, JP, Iris, Candice, Vic and Jordan for coming yesterday for sharing and affirm you guys for really sharing how you all feel, i know there might be some differences in opinions in some of the sharings, but i feel that the way everything was handled is how we as a community should handle. and this sharing is really what i hope the entire OWL can achieve.
- Next, I have thank Amanda Swee Ping En, the effort she put into outreaching to every single member of OWL and also in bravely sharing her opinions which really made an impact in everybody. I would like to ask everybody to pray for her too, i think she is quite stressed.
- I also have to thank Jordan Steve. When the Core was busy with 'A's, it was amazing to see how he just takes on all the roles he can help and does a lot of work which is truly amazing. And also how he just becomes an amazing support to people in OWL. Pray for him while he is in a spiritually dry period and may he find GOD
- I thank Sherman Lim for being there throughout the whole period of OWL's need. Going to Bible Sharings every week (and if you are reading this sherman, i ask you not to constantly store feelings and emotions up in you. share them with others.) and constantly just taking whatever nonsense we throw at him, (like smacking his butt, or using his facebook to comment statuses which are not true) which we really should not actually.
- I thank Candice, Ronald, Samuel, Ivan, Gerard, Ch'ng, Joshua Teo for playing for spiritual preps in the retreat.

I have many more things i want to thank many more people, but i really am writing too long a post. so i bid you farewell and just ONE last thing. This year was a challenging one for OWL, but i belive it's through these challenges that we can grow as ONE WITH THE LORD and to achieve all our vision for OWL. I hope that we may make use of this challenging year to learn and to grow stronger.

PRAISE GOD!