I guess upon reflecting on this year, i realised that i should have done soooooo much more than what i actually did. and i feel quite disturbed by it i guess cause i should have outreached to others, but then i didn't, so then i am kinda responsible for their lose in faith?
i realised how a neglected those who didn't bother to come for session and sharing, which i guess should be a part of being a community, to support them in their time of need, but i didn't so i wasn't community to others
i mean i did grow in my own faith journey, but i guess i didn't put in much effort and emphasis in the community aspect of my life.
Also, i think what really struck me was shared during the OWL recollection and AGM. Swee said that we should include God and remember Him in everything, even the smallest of happenings. I mean i guess i was facing a spiritual crisis recently, i was very very dry and just could not see or feel God, but deep down inside i knew He loves me, but I honestly could not feel this love. That is probably why i wanted sessions based on love. I guess all in all, as in one of Fr Bosco's homilies: Love is not just a emotion, but it is an action.
I guess I was really upset that I was losing my faith. And then i think the reason i stopped seeing God was because I stopped making the effort to seek God in everything, Also, my life had become a routine. Even going for mass was affected.
I think i went for mass and DO many times, but i stopped seeing the meaning in it. I know it is to praise and worship God, but it didn't feel like i was praising God, more like i was there because it was routine.
Also, i think i could have taken more effort to journey with my cell group and my prayer buddy. I guess i left out these two important parts of community and i think i really neglected this areas. I really want to say sorry to all who i have neglected.
Well, this is a new beginning and I guess this would be my resolution for the new year.
Firstly, I think that i need to put in more effort in improving my relationships in Owl, starting with my Prayer buddy and then growing outwards to my cell and then the entire community. Wait, change that, I WILL put in more effort!
I know spending more time journeying with Matthew, my p.b. will be extremely difficult, supposing he gets posted earlier into NS and i end up in boarding school(hostel), which may be compulsory. But i really think that i really need to make more time and build this relationship with Matthew.
And for my cell group, i guess I should try my utmost best to make time and initiate activities and gatherings! I really want to affirm Swee for making the effort to talk to everyone and initiate many things!! I really appreciated the effort she put in and it inspires me!
Secondly, when things within Owl are stabilised and we are all strong in the faith, i would like to outreach to those (who were) in Owl or even those in the Parish who might feel left out because of awkwardness or fear. I think it is part of what i envisioned Owl to be, whereby everyone feels that we are part of this ONE community so as to be ONE WITH THE LORD!
Lastly, and i believe, most importantly, I need God is in everything that I do. I will make sure that in everything, I will include God and remember that we are NOW AND ALWAYS in HIS MOST HOLY PRESENCE!
God Bless
-Jordan
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